The shiny tray comes around to me. I grab a piece of bread as I pass the tray to the person next to me. As I partake of the bread I think about how long it has been since I wore a dress and sat in a physical chapel. It was nice to hear the sounds of children crying. It reminded me that I was in an actual ward.
At the treatment center I went to a sacrament service that was held in the music therapy room due to the fact that there was a piano in there. It really was nice to be able to take the sacrament each week. I help me stay focused and was a nice break away from the normal therapy sessions.
It wasn’t until later that I was able to get approval from my treatment team to be allowed to go to an actual church near by for sacrament meeting.
Section ten “The Living Christ” explains what the restoration meant to me that Sunday as I partook of the sacrament:
We declare in words of solemnity that His priesthood and His Church have been restored upon the earth— “built upon the foundation of . . . apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone” (Ephesians 2:20).
Because of the restoration I can now have the gospel in my life and be able to go to church. Before entering the treatment center it was very difficult to be able to attend due to my mental illness. It wasn’t until I was locked in a building all day every day, including Sunday, that I realized how much I missed going to church. There is something about being told you can’t do something that makes you miss it.
Even though I was able to partake of the sacrament. I missed having a calling. Having friends at church that I would be excited to see each week. I missed just being a part of a large ward family that looks out for each other.
“Are You Sleeping through the Restoration?” by President Dieter F. Uchtdorf helped me realize why I missed actually going to church.
Sometimes we think of the Restoration of the gospel as something that is complete, already behind us—Joseph Smith translated the Book of Mormon, he received priesthood keys, the Church was organized. In reality, the Restoration is an ongoing process; we are living in it right now. It includes “all that God has revealed, all that He does now reveal,” and the “many great and important things” that “He will yet reveal.”2
He went on to explain that addictions “may cause us to sleepwalk through this significant season.” I truly missed out on so much at the height of my addiction and mental illness. It was very difficult to get to church and if I was there I wasn’t mentally there.
I am so grateful that I am continuing to recover from my eating disorder and learning to manage my depression with professional help, an amazing support team, and trusting in Jesus Christ. I know that going to church is going to become more meaningful to me as I continue to recover.
Read Day 11 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE
Read Day 9 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE