I hated it. I hated it so much! I could not stand anything about my own body to the point that I was willing to die in order to change it.
Like many people out there, I struggle with an eating disorder. So, me and my body are not exactly on good terms which made me feel shameful as I began studying section two of “The Living Christ” which reads:
He was the Great Jehovah of the Old Testament, the Messiah of the New. Under the direction of His Father, He was the creator of the earth. “All things were made by him; and without him was not any thing made that was made” (John 1:3).
Before Jesus Christ had even came to earth he was an important part of our existence. He was the one that created this world that we live on. Not only did he create this world but also each one of our bodies. My body. He created my body.
President Russell M. Nelson’s talk entitled “Jesus the Christ: Our Master and More” explained this when he said:
This hallowed Creator provided that each of us may have a physical body, uniquely individual yet in many respects comparable to every other human body. Just as a well-educated musician can recognize the composer of a symphony by its style and structure, so a well-educated surgeon can recognize the Creator of human beings by the similarity of style and structure of our anatomy. Individual variations notwithstanding, this similarity provides additional evidence and deep spiritual confirmation of our divine creation by our same Creator. It enhances the understanding of our relationship to Him:
“The Gods went down to organize man in their own image, in the image of the Gods to form they him, male and female to form they them.” (Abr. 4:27–28).
Now, I have always known that my body is a sacred gift from my Savior but in the depths of my eating disorder I truly did not care. I hated it and was going to change it anyway I could. I truly thought that everything in my life would get better if I looked how I wanted. As I have gone through treatment and am on the road to recovery I can now say that know that that is not true. My life value is not based on my size, but knowing it and living it is two very different things.
I have to be honest, I still do not like my body… but I don’t hate it anymore. Instead I focus on aspects about my body that I do appreciate. At one point during treatment they made me stay in wheel chair all day for of health reasons. Thank goodness it was only for a day, it was awful, truly awful! I had to be pushed around by a care technician all day. I was confined to one seat all day long which made it awkward to eat at the dinning table, relax during free time, and even to go to the bathroom. I once got left after our short sacrament service at the center when the techniciaan forgot me! I was just stranded there, like hello? Anybody out there? I wasn’t kidding when I said it was no fun.
As awful as that day was it did help me more appreciate the things that my body can do. I can walk on my own. I can do art. I can snuggle with my kitten or my husband or both. I can write. I can read. I can feel. I could not do the things that I enjoy without my body!
Every single day I still struggle with my body and I think that in some ways I always will. I just try to remember that it is a sacred gift that was created just for me so that I could have an earthly experience here and now. I need my body. And knowing that can sometimes help me be truly grateful for it and my Savior who created it.
Read Day 3 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE
Read Day 1 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE