Looking in a Mirror (Day 9)

girl-looking-in-mirror-e1305836821929It’s difficult to look in a mirror. I see all of my imperfections and dwell on them. I constantly feel as if I am never good enough. I continually compare myself to everyone around me. I don’t forgive myself for mistakes. I think I am unworthy for love when I sin.

You know what? I am a professional at how to make myself completely miserable. “The Living Christ” section nine speaks a truth that I need to better comprehend:

“That by him, and through him, and of him, the worlds are and were created, and the inhabitants thereof are begotten sons and daughters unto God” (D&C 76:22–24).

I know that I am a child of God. I know that I have a divine purpose. I know that Christ loves me no matter what but in my personal darkness I forget.

2427d24660676d893014eea6b36c77a0As I left 24 hour care at the eating disorder treatment center I told all the girls that my wish for them was to see themselves the way I saw them. They are all amazing individuals who are fighting extraordinary fights. I saw their faults but I didn’t care. I love each one of them and I know that they all can accomplish amazing things. I know they are a child of God and that they are so incredibly loved by him. I would have give anything for them to be able to fully know these things!

Then as I finished my speech, they quickly turned on me and said the same. They all saw me the same way I saw them.

Why can I see others so clearly and not myself? Why can I love them with their faults and not do the same for myself?

Learning to appreciate that I truly am a divine daughter of God is very difficult thing for me right now. I want to see myself the way the Lord sees me. I want to fully grasp that there is nothing wrong with not being perfect. That striving for perfection is what lead me to my eating disorder. I am not meant to be perfect in this life and that is okay. I can love myself with faults and imperfections. I know it! But why can’t I do that?

Knowing that I am a child of God changes everything. As frustrating as it is, I know it is going to take time to fully grasp that fact, but wanting to better understand and praying for help is a good start. I know I can find more peace and joy as I continue to understand. Someday I will be able to look in the mirror and only see myself for who I truly am, a daughter of God.

Read Day 10 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE

Read Day 8 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE 

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