It was a very dark. It was very cold. It was the most painful thing I had ever experienced. I felt completely and utterly alone. My own shame surrounded me as if it were a dark thick and sticky cloud. I was completely stuck with no where to turn. I was in my own personal hell.
I can never fully explain what it was like to be completely overtaken by my own depression, addiction, and shame. But that doesn’t matter. You don’t have to know. You don’t have to understand. You have your own personal hell to go through. We all do.
But because we are deeply loved we do not have to stay in it. “The Living Christ” section four explains how:
He instituted the sacrament as a reminder of His great atoning sacrifice. He was arrested and condemned on spurious charges, convicted to satisfy a mob, and sentenced to die on Calvary’s cross. He gave His life to atone for the sins of all mankind. His was a great vicarious gift in behalf of all who would ever live upon the earth.
“I speak to those who are facing personal trials and family struggles, those who endure conflicts fought in the lonely foxholes of the heart, those trying to hold back floodwaters of despair that sometimes wash over us like a tsunami of the soul. I wish to speak particularly to you who feel your lives are broken, seemingly beyond repair.” (Elder Jeffrey
R. Holland, Broken Things to Mend)
Even though I did not always feel him in my darkest moments, Christ was there. I know he was. He was with me every step of the way and that is how I am here right now. Elder Holland explains the atonement in such a beautiful and spiritual way in the following video, so I’m just gonna let him do the talking.
No other video has had such a profound affect on me. I mean I’m a total sucker for pictures with dramatic music anyways, but this just hits me. It is combination of three talks by Elder Holland: Broken Things to Mend, None Were with Him, and Prophets in the Land Again.
I just want you to know that I have been in my own deep dark abyss with no way out. And I have not been able to progress out until l stopped trying to do it my own way by myself. Instead, I have been putting all of my trust in the Savior, which is really hard to do! But it is worth it because “He knows the way out and He knows the way up. He knows it because He has walked it. He knows the way because He is the way.” (Elder Jeffrey R. Holland, Broken Things to Mend)
Read Day 5 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE
Read Day 3 of the 12 Days of CHRISTmas by clicking HERE