A Difficult Sunday

mental divorceSunday… Sunday… Sunday… a day I in which I tend to mentally crash. I really don’t know why Sunday’s are so difficult for me. I could be because it is the start of a new week and that is really overwhelming for me. I also could have something to do with the fact that lately when I go to church I have panic attacks or when I stay home I feel extremely shameful. Regardless, Sundays tend to be me having melt downs where I lay in bed all day crying because I feel so depressed.

Today was no different but I really have tried to have a better handle on it. I made sure to take my depression medication. I have taken a shower (which  is huge!) and eaten several meals (also huge). I have also written and vloged today which has meant allowing myself to feel these shameful feelings and face them.

Despite my minor accomplishments, it’s difficult to not look at today (and all the other Sunday’s from the last year) and feel really defeated. Tears truly have happened today over the lack of progress but it goes back to what I said yesterday. I have to realize that everything is in baby steps.

I am truly learning where my limits are and to be okay with the fact that some days I will not be okay.

5 comments

  1. Hey beautiful lady!

    Please know that you are not alone!! Keep fighting and making the little gains! I have a really good friend who struggles with depression and her Sunday struggles sound nearly exactly like yours. It hurts my heart to hear her say how “stupid” “worthless” or “pathetic” she feels because she slept until 3pm or had a panic attack before church… you know how it goes. NEITHER YOU NOR SHE ARE ANY OF THESE THINGS!!! We are ALL struggling! Even if the person in front of you in church looks perfectly put together and happy every time you see her, you have NO idea what she is going through (nor she you!).

    You keep fighting, know you are worth the struggle, and that you have so much goodness to share with the world! Keep fighting to seize your day and love your life!
    Wishing you all the best!!

    Ashley M.
    thecarpediemlifeblog.wordpress.com

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I have chronic head pain and brain injury. Sundays are REALLY hard sometimes, and I totally understand your frustration. Today as I talked to my stake president I learned something important. It’s the desire that counts. Heavenly Father knows our earthly struggles even better than we do. If we want to be worshipping on the Sabbath but physically just can’t because of emotional or mental overload, the desire counts. Truly being in touch with the spirit can be incredibly exhausting, and when we already have these other burdens, it’s completely understandable to get overwhelmed and need to crash. Give it to God, trust in the Savior and keep desiring. It’s all good!

    Liked by 2 people

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