Change

Should I stay or should I go on a mission? It was not my decision…

I was 19 when the age changed happened and women could leave on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at that age. Let me tell you, I had no clue what to think when I heard that! It was an exciting time and everyone around me was putting in their mission papers, including lots of my closest friends.

At that time in my life I was enrolled at Utah Valley University and worked part time at Dixon Middle School and Cold Stone while living with my best friends near the campus. It was a fun and busy time in my life and I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to give it all up to go on a mission.

I spent a lot of time praying and fasting about whether or not to go. After a while, I finally got the answer to (more…)

A slight change of heart toward resolutions… slight!

new-years-resolutions-2014New Years Resolutions… yeah I don’t do them and never have. Why? Because I think they are stupid! If I do happen to make a resolution it lasts like a week or two then… it goes forgotten. I also know that I am not alone in feeling that way, so what is the point of resolutions?! Like I said, they are stupid!

Though, I had a minor change of heart today as I was doing my scripture study and came across a quote by Elder Robert D. Hales from the talk “Behold, We Count Them Happy Which Endure” saying, (more…)

Learning from Stephanie Nielson

I got to listen to Stephanie Nielson speak on October 1st! She is my hero for so many reasons and I love reading her blog so I was extremely excited to listen to her speak at Utah Valley University. I was disappointed that I had to sit in the back but it was just incredible to see the place totally packed with people who are also inspired by this woman!

She told her story of being a mother, her trial and struggles after surviving a plane crash that burnt over 80% of her body, her hard work and dedication to living a beautiful life despite pain and challenges, and her profound faith in Jesus Christ through it all.  What is there not to admire about this woman? I am so glad I went to hear her speak because she said some things that I really needed to hear.

The first thing that really stood out to me was (more…)

Dumbledore + Sister Linda K. Burton = More happiness in my marriage

I am a huge Harry Potter fan! Like I was completely obsessed with it growing up to the point that I slept with all the books under my pillow and as punishments my mom threatened to take away my Harry Potter books. I am not joking…

dumbledoreOne of my favorite popular quotes from the book comes from one of the best characters, Dumbledore, “Soon we must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy.” Now, there is a lot of depth to this quote and I love and remember this quote often. As I was reading the talk We’ll Ascend Together by Sister Linda K. Burton, I came up with a twist on the quote to help me remember to make a happier marriage.

In the talk she asks a couple of questions to us wives and the one that stood out to me the most was, “When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be ‘right’?” This hit me because I love to be right and majority of the time I truly believe that I am correct and everyone else is wrong. This can cause problems in my marriage when both my husband and I believe we are correct about different things. Plus, I am stubborn and demand to be right.

CBw8JDzUoAAFGq7The first thing that came to my mind when I read this question was a twist on Dumbledore’s quote and Sister Burton’s question, “Soon we must all face the choice between demanding to be right and being happy.” Now I know, it’s not as cool sounding but by combing the two quotes it made it easier for me to remember. That way it reminds me to work on this because I can quote it to myself often.

This week I had one of these times when the choice came up. My husband and I were going to meet my family at the temple to do one last session with sister before she left on her mission so I was very excited about it. My husband and I disagreed on what time we needed to leave in order to make it there in time. I am the kind of person who likes to be early where my husband likes to just show up right in time. I was super worried about leaving at my husband’s time for fear of missing the session but we left at his time regardless.

When we got into the temple we were too late and just missed the session and my family. I just sat their holding back tears as white hot anger towards him coursed through me. I so badly wanted to tell him that it was all his fault because I’m always right and he was being dumb to not listen to me! Then the “quote” hit me, “Soon we must all face the choice between demanding to be right and being happy.”

DSCN0995Yes, I had been right about what time to leave but did I need to demand from him to understand that and make him feel guilty about it? Or did I need let it go and just be happy that I get to go to the temple with my husband? I have to be honest, it wasn’t an easy choice because I was hurt and angry and those emotions were running deep and hot, but I decided to forgive him without saying anything about being right. I just focused on the positives of being in the temple with my husband.

By going through this experience I was surprised how much happier I can be by not demanding to be right. Yes, demanding to be right I get this short lived gleeful feeling that is addicting but it’s followed by a sad and hurt husband which in turn hurts me and my marriage. When instead of getting angry and gently forgiving my husband it created a a closer happier marriage. In to book, Fighting for you Marriage, it explains this when it, “When you experience your partner behaving toward you with care and sensitivity, you develop a greater sense of trust, which also deepens intimacy. We call this a positive feedback cycle: each positive behavior leads to another positive behavior.” When I choice to focus on the positives it gave me true happiness that lasted the rest of the night. I fell more in love with my husband and had one of the best temple sessions I had had in a long time all because I made the uneasy choice to be happy instead of right.

Why I stopped asking “Who am I?”

I want to know who I am. Why am I here? What is my purpose in life? I know that I am not alone in these questions! The issue is that I am asking the wrong questions and then the world likes to give me less then perfect answers.

I live in a time where people are always talking about discovering yourself, be true to yourself, and that it doesn’t matter what people, think just be yourself. These really are great philosophies! I fully believe that we should be ourselves, but I also know that they can also become an excuse to participate in wickedness. I need to be me and true to myself in the right way.

Several years ago I sat with a friend in the car and vented to her my frustration that I did not know who I was so I felt I couldn’t be myself. She kindly reminded me that this life is not about finding who we are but instead remembering who we are. I have always existed. The only difference is that I have not always had a body. Before I was born and obtained a body my spirit existed, and always has. My spirit had a personality and a life and I know this because of my patriarchal blessing*. That spirit is apart of me. That person that I have is always been is still with me!

I know from my patriarchal blessing that I have always had a personal relationship with my Heavenly Father and I choose the life that I have now. This spirit had full faith that when it came to earth that I would do the best I can and through the Saviors atonement I would be able to return home to my Heavenly Father.

My blessing has always intimidated me because I don’t feel like I am that awesome spirit that I was. That’s okay because I’m a spirit with an imperfect human body. My poor spirit has to put up with such an imperfect body that is so easily succumb to worldly temptations. That is part of my spirit’s progression, my progression. Someday I will become a resurrected being with a perfect body and spirit but that day is not today. I use to think, “Who am I?” but now I think, “Who was I?” and “Who can I become?” I need to find myself in a spiritual way and not a worldly way because it’s my spirit that I am rediscovering inside a human body.

I am so imperfect and life is so hard for me, because I make so many mistakes. But I know that I have people cheering me on in this life and beyond the veil. I was blessed in my patriarchal blessing to know more about who I was before I came to earth because I know that I am my own cheerleader and I can handle every challenge that comes my way if I stay close to the Lord and find myself spiritually.

*What’s a patriarchal blessing?