When my husband and I were first married he got called to be the ward mission leader and I as one of his ward missionaries. I remember turning to my husband and saying that I had no clue what I was doing and nothing seemed to work. After talking to my husband I realized that member missionary work is different than full time missionary work. Here are four things I realized I was doing wrong because I was trying to be like a full time missionary: (more…)
“Who was I ?” It was asked in a car, I don’t remember if it was my car or hers but that is really besides the point. I had recently landed my dream job and found that it did not make me happy which made me question everything I knew about myself. I felt overwhelmingly lost having worked so hard to get where I was and finding out that it was not the right place for me. It made me question who I was and my purpose in life. That night, years ago, in a cold car I confided all of this to my friend. To this day I still remember her advice because it completely changed how I viewed myself and my life. (more…)
Regardless of what my weight has been or how long I took to get ready for the day, every time I walk past a mirror I notice the physical imperfections. I think to myself that I am so ugly and fat that nothing I do can improve that. Then, I sadly continue on with my day feeling slightly more depressed then I had before I passed the mirror. This last Valentines Day I decided that I am doing something different, I am going to fall in love with someone I have never been able to stand, myself. (more…)
I was 19 when the age changed happened and women could leave on a mission for The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints at that age. Let me tell you, I had no clue what to think when I heard that! It was an exciting time and everyone around me was putting in their mission papers, including lots of my closest friends.
At that time in my life I was enrolled at Utah Valley University and worked part time at Dixon Middle School and Cold Stone while living with my best friends near the campus. It was a fun and busy time in my life and I was unsure of whether or not I wanted to give it all up to go on a mission.
I spent a lot of time praying and fasting about whether or not to go. After a while, I finally got the answer to (more…)
I am a huge Harry Potter fan! Like I was completely obsessed with it growing up to the point that I slept with all the books under my pillow and as punishments my mom threatened to take away my Harry Potter books. I am not joking…
One of my favorite popular quotes from the book comes from one of the best characters, Dumbledore, “Soon we must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy.” Now, there is a lot of depth to this quote and I love and remember this quote often. As I was reading the talk We’ll Ascend Together by Sister Linda K. Burton, I came up with a twist on the quote to help me remember to make a happier marriage.
In the talk she asks a couple of questions to us wives and the one that stood out to me the most was, “When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be ‘right’?” This hit me because I love to be right and majority of the time I truly believe that I am correct and everyone else is wrong. This can cause problems in my marriage when both my husband and I believe we are correct about different things. Plus, I am stubborn and demand to be right.
The first thing that came to my mind when I read this question was a twist on Dumbledore’s quote and Sister Burton’s question, “Soon we must all face the choice between demanding to be right and being happy.” Now I know, it’s not as cool sounding but by combing the two quotes it made it easier for me to remember. That way it reminds me to work on this because I can quote it to myself often.
This week I had one of these times when the choice came up. My husband and I were going to meet my family at the temple to do one last session with sister before she left on her mission so I was very excited about it. My husband and I disagreed on what time we needed to leave in order to make it there in time. I am the kind of person who likes to be early where my husband likes to just show up right in time. I was super worried about leaving at my husband’s time for fear of missing the session but we left at his time regardless.
When we got into the temple we were too late and just missed the session and my family. I just sat their holding back tears as white hot anger towards him coursed through me. I so badly wanted to tell him that it was all his fault because I’m always right and he was being dumb to not listen to me! Then the “quote” hit me, “Soon we must all face the choice between demanding to be right and being happy.”
Yes, I had been right about what time to leave but did I need to demand from him to understand that and make him feel guilty about it? Or did I need let it go and just be happy that I get to go to the temple with my husband? I have to be honest, it wasn’t an easy choice because I was hurt and angry and those emotions were running deep and hot, but I decided to forgive him without saying anything about being right. I just focused on the positives of being in the temple with my husband.
By going through this experience I was surprised how much happier I can be by not demanding to be right. Yes, demanding to be right I get this short lived gleeful feeling that is addicting but it’s followed by a sad and hurt husband which in turn hurts me and my marriage. When instead of getting angry and gently forgiving my husband it created a a closer happier marriage. In to book, Fighting for you Marriage, it explains this when it, “When you experience your partner behaving toward you with care and sensitivity, you develop a greater sense of trust, which also deepens intimacy. We call this a positive feedback cycle: each positive behavior leads to another positive behavior.” When I choice to focus on the positives it gave me true happiness that lasted the rest of the night. I fell more in love with my husband and had one of the best temple sessions I had had in a long time all because I made the uneasy choice to be happy instead of right.