Happiness

The Problem with Optimism

untitled_by_marinacoric-d6d9bitDespite my depression I have always thought of myself as an optimistic person, until the day my therapist told me to stop…

People who seem to be the happiest are those that are the most optimistic. Because of this, there is a lot of push to be optimistic.

Now, I’m not saying that optimism is a bad thing but it is a problem. A problem because, like me, most people do it wrong. (more…)

Proud to be a Harry Potter nerd!

2980_1660300604235028_3299851679014308825_nHarry Potter has been on my mind a lot lately. My little brothers have been watching the movies for the first time over these last couple of weeks, which has got my husband and I watching them again. Then, with with the amazing Alan Rickman passing away, I feel as if Harry Potter is everywhere. And you know what? I am totally okay with that! (more…)

Why I stopped saying to my husband, “Good job!”

Don’t say, “Good job!” Have you lost your mind?! That was my exact thought when my Applied Parenting teacher did a lesson on encouragement vs praise. This was the most mind blowing lesson I have ever had because I could see how much my husband and I struggle with this.

The article that goes with that lesson is, “Five Reasons to Stop Saying ‘Good Job!” and it explains that when we praise people, more specifically children, we are taking their accomplishment and turning it what we think. When someone accomplishes something it should not matter what we think, if they feel proud of their work then that is what is important. After time, this can cause someone to feel successful only when someone else is proud of their accomplishments.

keep_calm_and_be_proud_of_yourself_by_rainbowrandomness-d6jk4gxInstead of saying good job, we can (more…)

Dumbledore + Sister Linda K. Burton = More happiness in my marriage

I am a huge Harry Potter fan! Like I was completely obsessed with it growing up to the point that I slept with all the books under my pillow and as punishments my mom threatened to take away my Harry Potter books. I am not joking…

dumbledoreOne of my favorite popular quotes from the book comes from one of the best characters, Dumbledore, “Soon we must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy.” Now, there is a lot of depth to this quote and I love and remember this quote often. As I was reading the talk We’ll Ascend Together by Sister Linda K. Burton, I came up with a twist on the quote to help me remember to make a happier marriage.

In the talk she asks a couple of questions to us wives and the one that stood out to me the most was, “When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be ‘right’?” This hit me because I love to be right and majority of the time I truly believe that I am correct and everyone else is wrong. This can cause problems in my marriage when both my husband and I believe we are correct about different things. Plus, I am stubborn and demand to be right.

CBw8JDzUoAAFGq7The first thing that came to my mind when I read this question was a twist on Dumbledore’s quote and Sister Burton’s question, “Soon we must all face the choice between demanding to be right and being happy.” Now I know, it’s not as cool sounding but by combing the two quotes it made it easier for me to remember. That way it reminds me to work on this because I can quote it to myself often.

This week I had one of these times when the choice came up. My husband and I were going to meet my family at the temple to do one last session with sister before she left on her mission so I was very excited about it. My husband and I disagreed on what time we needed to leave in order to make it there in time. I am the kind of person who likes to be early where my husband likes to just show up right in time. I was super worried about leaving at my husband’s time for fear of missing the session but we left at his time regardless.

When we got into the temple we were too late and just missed the session and my family. I just sat their holding back tears as white hot anger towards him coursed through me. I so badly wanted to tell him that it was all his fault because I’m always right and he was being dumb to not listen to me! Then the “quote” hit me, “Soon we must all face the choice between demanding to be right and being happy.”

DSCN0995Yes, I had been right about what time to leave but did I need to demand from him to understand that and make him feel guilty about it? Or did I need let it go and just be happy that I get to go to the temple with my husband? I have to be honest, it wasn’t an easy choice because I was hurt and angry and those emotions were running deep and hot, but I decided to forgive him without saying anything about being right. I just focused on the positives of being in the temple with my husband.

By going through this experience I was surprised how much happier I can be by not demanding to be right. Yes, demanding to be right I get this short lived gleeful feeling that is addicting but it’s followed by a sad and hurt husband which in turn hurts me and my marriage. When instead of getting angry and gently forgiving my husband it created a a closer happier marriage. In to book, Fighting for you Marriage, it explains this when it, “When you experience your partner behaving toward you with care and sensitivity, you develop a greater sense of trust, which also deepens intimacy. We call this a positive feedback cycle: each positive behavior leads to another positive behavior.” When I choice to focus on the positives it gave me true happiness that lasted the rest of the night. I fell more in love with my husband and had one of the best temple sessions I had had in a long time all because I made the uneasy choice to be happy instead of right.