LDS

What it is like going to the temple with mental illness

7186889084_58969a0453_b“What size dress do you want?” the lady asked me from behind the counter.

Don’t have a panic attack, don’t have a panic attack, I kept thinking to myself as I replied, “I don’t know. What sizes do you have?”

The lady went on to explain all the different sizes that they offered while I tried not to break down and cry. (more…)

The Problem with Optimism

untitled_by_marinacoric-d6d9bitDespite my depression I have always thought of myself as an optimistic person, until the day my therapist told me to stop…

People who seem to be the happiest are those that are the most optimistic. Because of this, there is a lot of push to be optimistic.

Now, I’m not saying that optimism is a bad thing but it is a problem. A problem because, like me, most people do it wrong. (more…)

A Difficult Sunday

mental divorceSunday… Sunday… Sunday… a day I in which I tend to mentally crash. I really don’t know why Sunday’s are so difficult for me. I could be because it is the start of a new week and that is really overwhelming for me. I also could have something to do with the fact that lately when I go to church I have panic attacks or when I stay home I feel extremely shameful. Regardless, Sundays tend to be me having melt downs where I lay in bed all day crying because I feel so depressed.

Today was no different but I really have tried to have a better handle on it. I made sure to take my depression medication. I have taken a shower (which  is huge!) and eaten several meals (also huge). I have also written and vloged today which has meant allowing myself to feel these shameful feelings and face them.

Despite my minor accomplishments, it’s difficult to not look at today (and all the other Sunday’s from the last year) and feel really defeated. Tears truly have happened today over the lack of progress but it goes back to what I said yesterday. I have to realize that everything is in baby steps.

I am truly learning where my limits are and to be okay with the fact that some days I will not be okay.

Living with Mental Illness

The reality of life is that I have an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety. Even though they really affect my life I know that I am not alone in this struggle! I am also not afraid to talk about it. So, I want to better document what it is like to live with mental illness on a daily basis because it does effect my life every single day.

The Greatest Gift (Day 12)

santa-manger.jpgWe walked down the streets of Temple Square. The lights sparked as they surrounded me. The cold biting my exposed cheeks. While standing in front of the temple my activity days leader handed me a shiny little golden box with a bow on top. All of us girls were so excited to see what could be wrapped in this beautiful present.

When I first opened it I was very disappointed. But as time went on I grew to understand and truly appreciated it. (more…)