Today I sat at work just typing away as my coworker talked to another behind me. The conversation was nothing out of the ordinary but it affected me. I felt guilt and shame that has lasted throughout the day. This is because listening to them talk about exercise made my eating disorder start screaming at me.
I run into triggering conversations, posts, and ideas every… single… day. They are everywhere! And my eating disorder always sees it as an opportunity to make me feel worse about not engaging in it. I truly have to fight for recovery every moment of everyday and it’s not easy. I feel so emotionally exhausted all the time! (Though I know today daylight savings time played a bit of a role in it…)
This year, instead of a New Years resolution, I have chosen to have the theme ‘fight.’ Because even though there are triggers all around me and my eating disorder is constantly trying to sneakily convince me to give in, I have to continue to choose to fight.