Relationships

What member missionaries are doing wrong when they try to be like full time missionaries

mormon-missionariesWhen my husband and I were first married he got called to be the ward mission leader and I as one of his ward missionaries. I remember turning to my husband and saying that I had no clue what I was doing and nothing seemed to work. After talking to my husband I realized that member missionary work is different than full time missionary work. Here are four things I realized I was doing wrong because I was trying to be like a full time missionary: (more…)

My 500 Days of Summer

I could feel his hand on my hip as he twirled me around as our other hands clap close. I could feel my pulse quicken despite the slow and calm love song playing in the back ground. I could feel a sense of electricity pulsing in the air between us as his warm rough hands gave off a heat that seamed to warm my heart. I probably asked dumb simple questions like, “What is your favorite class?” You have to give me a break, I was only just about to start high school and my flirting skills were at a 0%.

It was that church dance that a mutual friend introduced us and we dance a slow dance together that I knew that this tall dark stranger was someone special. Someone I would want to get to know better. It was that moment that I fell for him and that is where our story began.

This is a story of boy meets girl, but you should know upfront, this is not a love story.

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What I Wish People Understood About My Depression

18950-girl-with-umbrella-in-the-rain-1920x1200-girl-wallpaperI remember one day in particular that I carefully wrapped tape around each and every finger covering up my fingerprints. As I went throughout the day like normal everything I touched was numb to the most sensitive part of my fingers and I loved the lack of feeling. There was no sane reason for taping up my fingers besides the giddiness I felt from creating physical numbness. At the time it was just a random thing a sleep deprived college student was doing at six o’clock in the morning that I didn’t think much about. Now, I realizes that it was much more concerning than just that. (more…)

A note to all the exes in my life…

 

sadI just wanted to say to everyone in my life that has ever meant something to me but is no longer an active part of my life… Hello, its me…

I feel it is impossible to listen to an Adele song without thinking about exes! She captures those emotions so well and brings them all the surface when I listen to her music. As I listen to her songs “Hello” and “Someone Like You” I really start to miss all the exes in my life.

When I say exes, I don’t really mean boyfriend exes. I mean people who I really cared about but never see or talk to anymore. People who were my best friends growing up, mentors, roommates, coworkers, ect, but as time went on we grew apart. We both went separate directions and now never see one other. (more…)

Dumbledore + Sister Linda K. Burton = More happiness in my marriage

I am a huge Harry Potter fan! Like I was completely obsessed with it growing up to the point that I slept with all the books under my pillow and as punishments my mom threatened to take away my Harry Potter books. I am not joking…

dumbledoreOne of my favorite popular quotes from the book comes from one of the best characters, Dumbledore, “Soon we must all face the choice between what is right, and what is easy.” Now, there is a lot of depth to this quote and I love and remember this quote often. As I was reading the talk We’ll Ascend Together by Sister Linda K. Burton, I came up with a twist on the quote to help me remember to make a happier marriage.

In the talk she asks a couple of questions to us wives and the one that stood out to me the most was, “When was the last time I chose to be happy rather than demanding to be ‘right’?” This hit me because I love to be right and majority of the time I truly believe that I am correct and everyone else is wrong. This can cause problems in my marriage when both my husband and I believe we are correct about different things. Plus, I am stubborn and demand to be right.

CBw8JDzUoAAFGq7The first thing that came to my mind when I read this question was a twist on Dumbledore’s quote and Sister Burton’s question, “Soon we must all face the choice between demanding to be right and being happy.” Now I know, it’s not as cool sounding but by combing the two quotes it made it easier for me to remember. That way it reminds me to work on this because I can quote it to myself often.

This week I had one of these times when the choice came up. My husband and I were going to meet my family at the temple to do one last session with sister before she left on her mission so I was very excited about it. My husband and I disagreed on what time we needed to leave in order to make it there in time. I am the kind of person who likes to be early where my husband likes to just show up right in time. I was super worried about leaving at my husband’s time for fear of missing the session but we left at his time regardless.

When we got into the temple we were too late and just missed the session and my family. I just sat their holding back tears as white hot anger towards him coursed through me. I so badly wanted to tell him that it was all his fault because I’m always right and he was being dumb to not listen to me! Then the “quote” hit me, “Soon we must all face the choice between demanding to be right and being happy.”

DSCN0995Yes, I had been right about what time to leave but did I need to demand from him to understand that and make him feel guilty about it? Or did I need let it go and just be happy that I get to go to the temple with my husband? I have to be honest, it wasn’t an easy choice because I was hurt and angry and those emotions were running deep and hot, but I decided to forgive him without saying anything about being right. I just focused on the positives of being in the temple with my husband.

By going through this experience I was surprised how much happier I can be by not demanding to be right. Yes, demanding to be right I get this short lived gleeful feeling that is addicting but it’s followed by a sad and hurt husband which in turn hurts me and my marriage. When instead of getting angry and gently forgiving my husband it created a a closer happier marriage. In to book, Fighting for you Marriage, it explains this when it, “When you experience your partner behaving toward you with care and sensitivity, you develop a greater sense of trust, which also deepens intimacy. We call this a positive feedback cycle: each positive behavior leads to another positive behavior.” When I choice to focus on the positives it gave me true happiness that lasted the rest of the night. I fell more in love with my husband and had one of the best temple sessions I had had in a long time all because I made the uneasy choice to be happy instead of right.